I want requited love in everything whether it’s in my friendships, family, or even romantic relationships. I want to know that the love and effort I put into someone else is been given to me in return. It’s one of those things that I may be foolish in believing that I can have because everyone isn’t going to be the same. Everyone isn’t going to love you how you want to be loved or love you back and they’re not required to do any of those things. But, I can set boundaries and I can ask God to remove those who aren’t supposed to be here, in my life, because I deserve what I put out. And, if I love myself as much as I put love into others I need to set better boundaries and better requirements to live in the space I give someone in my heart. I don’t need perfection and I don’t need the ideal I just want to know that my love is requited. It’s more than being able to rely on someone when you need them but is knowing that someone appreciates, respects, and trusts the love you give them enough to give it back to you. I ask the Universe or God constantly to remove anyone who isn’t meant for me, anyone who means me harm, anyone who isn’t giving me the love I give them a return, anyone doesn’t deserve my space, anyone, that’s not supposed to be here, and then I watch God work. If you are struggling with figuring out who is supposed to be in your life, do like I do and ask God to get rid of anyone that’s not supposed to be here, treat it as an affirmation. Something you say every day, something you put out into the universe, to God, to say I want better for me and I’m ready for better for in my space. When God gets rid of people, you better be ready to let them go because the Universe won’t wait. It is arrogant to ask God for something and do the complete opposite. You will be in a perpetual state of unhappiness until you let go of something that is already gone.
Unlike what we’ve been taught in fairytales and life, love is not perfect, it is not always forgiveness, it is not always I’m sorry, and it is not always in the way we want it. Sometimes we have to see through what we think love should be so that we are able to see what love looks like from those who were receiving it. On the contrary, those people have to pay attention to you, to not only love you in a way that’s convenient for them but in a way that you want because that is love, that is where the love resides. If love was rooted in just being convenient is it truly love? No. Love is inconvenient, love is going out of your way to be new, to be different, to work harder, that something in this person or this thing that I love requires me to be better than I am right now. And, if they don’t inspire that in you, do you truly love them, if you don’t inspire that in them, do they truly love you. I’m not asking this simply for romantic love I’m asking this in all the aspects of life in all the aspects of relationships.
Let’s take a moment away from all the things that we’ve learned from the Internet and books we’ve read about love languages, in love, communication, and all of those things. Let’s focus on how it feels, let’s find something that feels good, that feels warm, happy, and inconvenient. Then, sit in that to determine if that’s where your love should reside because that is your choice. Focus on feeling things more than simply thinking things. Fortunately for you all, that last sentence isn’t for you, it was for me. I focus so much on thinking through how I feel instead of living in how I feel, maybe if I spend more time living in how I feel I’d be better in loving and even being loved in return. I do know the things that I don’t want and I do know the idea of what I do but I want to take time out to stop thinking about it and simply being in it maybe things will turn out differently.
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