Beginning the Conversation on Self-Discovery
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend that really made me pause. They told me that watching me grow, change, and embrace myself more fully over time had given them permission to do the same. At first, I brushed it off because after all, I’m just living my life, right? But as the conversation continued, I realized the power in what they were saying. Although my evolution was my own journey, it had ripple effects in my community.
So many of us think self-discovery has a timeline. That once you’ve hit your 30s, you’re supposed to “have it all figured out.” But that’s not real life. The truth is, the most beautiful versions of us can show up later, after we’ve been through some things, after we’ve unlearned what no longer fits. Sometimes we rebrand several times along our journey. Self-discovery doesn’t stop with age, it deepens with it.
Table of Contents
Fashion as a Mirror of Self-Discovery
Clothing has always been more than fabric. It’s an extension of how we want to be seen or sometimes, how we try to hide.
For me, self-discovery through fashion allowed me to love myself in a different way. I’ve always been the type of person who doesn’t care what people think, and yes, that’s where confidence lives but it also came with a kind of laid-back, almost careless approach to how I showed up. I always dressed nice when it was required, but not as much on casual days. Day-to-day, I didn’t always give much thought to how I presented myself.
That shifted when I started learning to love the body I have now. Once I began finding clothing pieces that truly fit my body and looked good on me, something clicked. I changed my loungewear into intentional looks. I started getting my nails done more consistently. I played with new colors, accessories, hairstyles, and more. Suddenly, I wasn’t just dressing to meet a requirement. I loved how I looked every time I got dressed. It became important to me to look great every time I stepped out, not just when an occasion demanded it.
And that change did something to me. Maybe it enhanced my confidence, maybe it lit up my smile, maybe it shifted my self-worth but something was different. My lack of care in how others view me no longer meant I could just throw anything on. Now it means I can show up however I want. If I want to wear a prom dress to Walmart, I will. Not because I have anyone to impress, but because that’s how I feel like showing up in the world.
Experimenting with clothing became a way to say, “This is me right now.” And the beautiful part? That “me” keeps evolving. There’s freedom in realizing you don’t have to dress the way you did five years ago or even last week. Fashion, like identity, is ongoing. It’s permission to keep redefining yourself.
Authenticity at Every Age
We’re sold this idea that authenticity belongs to the young. That you either “find yourself” in your early 20s or you’re destined to stay the same forever. But authenticity isn’t age-restricted.
With time, you start caring less about the outside noise and more about aligning with your truth. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become bolder, not because I have fewer fears, but because I know the cost of silencing myself. And that cost is way too high.
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
Brene Brown
Brené Brown writes, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” That’s been my reality. I’ve had to let go of another version of who I thought I was “supposed to be.” And every time, it’s made me lighter.
Fashion became one way to practice authenticity. Wearing what feels right, regardless of trends or expectations, showed me that self-expression is ageless. The person you are at 30 isn’t locked into who you’ll be at 40, 50, or 60. Self-discovery doesn’t expire. It matures.
Being an Example Without Trying
Here’s the funny part: I never set out to be an “example” of growth. I was just trying to live my truth, one step at a time. But people notice. A friend once told me, “Watching you change has made me feel like it’s okay for me to change too.” That hit me hard.
Representation doesn’t always come from celebrities or books. Sometimes it comes from the people in your circle. By evolving out loud, through fashion, queerness, and other ways of self-discovery, I was unintentionally showing others that every version of themselves deserves to be seen.
Living simply makes loving simple. The voice to live simply necessarily enhances our capacity to love. It is the way we learn to practice compassion, daily affirming our connection to a world community.
bell hooks
bell hooks once wrote in All About Love, “Living simply makes loving simple.” Although the full quote is about living a simple life and sharing resources, to me, authenticity is one of the simplest forms of living. When you stop performing for the world and just exist as yourself, you create space for others to do the same. You don’t have to carry the weight of being a “role model.” Just by living fully, you’re modeling what freedom looks like.
Healing the Inner Child Through Growth
Self-discovery isn’t only about the present or the future. It’s also about making peace with the past. For me, a big part of that has been healing my inner child. Healing isn’t about erasing the past. It’s about showing your inner child that they can exist, too. You just hadn’t reached the chapter where freedom was possible yet.
Healing my inner child has looked like a lot of small but powerful acts. Sometimes it is buying the shoes my parents wouldn’t buy me. Sometimes it is letting myself be vibrant and carefree like the child I used to be. It is about being emotional and vocal about how I feel, just like that little version of me always was. It is about wearing what I wanted without shame, refusing to conform just because the world said I should. It is about being free to experiment, to play, and to be curious.
It also means giving myself space to grow. To do what feels good, fun, and safe in the moment. If I want to learn how to vogue, I should, and being masc-presenting doesn’t erase or diminish that. Healing means embracing all the parts of me, not just the ones that were easy to show. It means showcasing the duality of both my masculine and feminine sides, letting them exist together instead of choosing one over the other.
To be loving we willingly hear each other’s truth and, most important, we affirm the value of truth telling. Lies may make people feel better, but they do not help them to know love.
In All About Love, bell hooks captures it perfectly: “To be loving we willingly hear the other’s truth, and we affirm the value of that truth.” In my own journey, hearing and affirming my inner child’s truth, their fears, their desires, their need for freedom, has been the deepest kind of love.
The Myth of Arrival
One of the biggest traps in personal growth is believing there’s a final destination. That once you “find yourself,” the work is done. But there is no finish line.
I think about how different I am from who I was five, ten, even fifteen years ago. And I know I’ll keep changing. That’s not failure, that’s proof of growth. The goal isn’t to land on a perfect, unchanging identity. The goal is to stay open to who you’re becoming.
Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.
Brene Brown
In Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brown reminds us: “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.” And that story doesn’t wrap up neatly. It keeps unfolding. That’s what makes life interesting.
For me, that means embracing style shifts, trying on new identities, and letting go of the fear that I need to “stay consistent” to be valid. Because the truest consistency is change itself.
Aging as Expansion, Not Limitation
So often, aging is framed as narrowing. As if the older you get, the fewer chances you have to grow, explore, and reinvent yourself. But what if aging is the opposite? What if it’s expansion?
Because my 30s have been amazing! It is like being 20 with more money to do things and less appetite to do stupid things.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed my self-discovery has deepened, not diminished. I’m more reflective, more intentional, more willing to unlearn things that don’t serve me. Aging doesn’t close doors, it opens new ones you couldn’t even see when you were younger.
Brown’s words ring true here: “When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write the ending.” And with every year, I feel like I’m rewriting my story in bigger, bolder ways.
Personal growth isn’t about clinging to youth; it’s about embracing maturity as a source of power. The wisdom that comes with age isn’t the end of discovery, it’s the fuel for it.
Permission to Evolve
You’re never done evolving. Self-discovery doesn’t have an expiration date. It’s not just for the young or for certain milestones. It’s for every single stage of life.
Permit yourself to try again, to start over, to reinvent, to heal, to grow. Embrace the outfits you once thought you couldn’t wear. Speak the truths you once thought were too loud. Love the parts of you that are still unfolding.
Choosing to love ourselves enough to keep evolving, that’s freedom.
Self-discovery is not about arrival. It’s about unfolding, at 25 or 55, at every stage in between. So evolve out loud, because every version of you deserves to be seen.