Legacy in the City: Models and Mortals—A Modern Take on Beauty Standards in Dating
Sex and the City has always been a show that dives deep into the nuances of dating, relationships, and the complexities of being single in a big city. In Season 1, Episode 2, titled “Models and Mortals,” Carrie Bradshaw explores the obsession some men have with models, and how that obsession affects the rest of us—”the mortals”—who don’t fit into society’s narrow definition of physical perfection.
Watching this episode in today’s context, it’s clear that while the fashion and tech have evolved, the underlying issues remain the same. Instead of just supermodels, we now have Instamodels and Instabaddies dominating the dating landscape. And let me tell you, this shift has definitely influenced the way we navigate love, attraction, and self-worth.
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The Episode Recap: Models, Mortals, and the Beauty Trap
In “Models and Mortals,” Carrie dives into the world of men who exclusively date models—tall, thin, seemingly flawless women who are held up as the ultimate prize in the dating world. Carrie refers to these men as “modelizers,” guys who are so obsessed with models that they overlook the charms of everyday women. The episode showcases how these unattainable beauty standards impact not only the women being put on a pedestal but also those of us who feel left in the dust, wondering if we’ll ever measure up.
Carrie herself starts to question the nature of attraction and the role of physical appearance in relationships. She dates a man named Derek, who is a part of this world, and her interactions with him lead her to ponder whether she’s settling for less or if she’s just not part of the modelizer’s world. By the end of the episode, Carrie realizes that while beauty can be captivating, it’s not the foundation of a meaningful relationship. She concludes that real connection comes from something deeper, something more substantial than just physical appearance.
From Supermodels to Instamodels: The Evolution of Beauty Standards
Fast forward to today, and while the term “supermodel” might feel a bit outdated, the concept behind it is more alive than ever. Except now, the supermodels have been replaced by Instamodels and Instabaddies—those women who flood our social media feeds with perfectly curated images, often enhanced by filters, professional photography, and sometimes even cosmetic surgery. They have the same effect on men (and on some women too) as the models did back in Carrie’s day. They represent an ideal that’s almost impossible to attain naturally.
In today’s dating scene, many men—and even some masculine-presenting women—are drawn to this highly aestheticized version of femininity. My best friend, who is straight, constantly feels like she’s in competition with these Instamodels. She sees how men gravitate toward women with a certain look: the tiny waist, the perfect curves, the flawless skin. And she’s not wrong—these are the women who get the most attention, the most likes, the most validation online. But what does that mean for the rest of us? What does that mean for the everyday women who don’t have a team of makeup artists and photographers behind them?
Competing with the “Instabaddie” Aesthetic
The pressure to compete with the Instabaddie aesthetic is real, and it’s something my best friend deals with on a daily basis. She’s gorgeous in her own right—smart, funny, and kind—but she feels like she’s always being compared to these women who seem to have it all. It’s like the world is telling her that she’s not enough because she doesn’t fit into this narrow mold of what beauty is supposed to look like in 2024.
And let’s be real, a lot of these Instamodels have had work done. We’re talking BBLs (Brazilian Butt Lifts), lip fillers, cheek implants—you name it. It’s not just about being born with good genes anymore; it’s about sculpting yourself into a particular image, one that’s often unattainable for most of us. My friend feels like she’s constantly trying to keep up, and it’s exhausting. It’s not just about how you look; it’s about how you’re perceived. Men seem to covet these types of women, and it leaves the rest of us wondering where we stand.
Beauty and Brains: Why Substance Matters More to Me
Now, here’s where my perspective differs. As a Black, masculine-presenting woman, I’m not drawn to this hyper-feminine, ultra-glam aesthetic. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it—I mean, if that’s your style, do you! But for me, beauty has to come with brains. I’m not looking for a trophy to collect; I want someone I can connect with on a deeper level. I need substance, someone who challenges me, who makes me think, who brings more to the table than just a pretty face.
In a way, I’m like Carrie at the end of this episode. She realizes that she’s not going to be the modelizer’s type, but that’s okay because she doesn’t need to be. She’s looking for something more meaningful, and that’s where I’m at too. The world might be obsessed with aesthetics right now, but I’m holding out for something real, something lasting.
The Impact of Beauty Standards on Dating: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Beauty standards have always played a role in dating, and they probably always will. But what’s interesting is how these standards shift and change depending on the era and the culture. Back in the day, it was all about the supermodels. Today, it’s the Instamodels and Instabaddies. But the effect is the same: these standards can make us feel inadequate, like we’re always competing against an impossible ideal.
For Black, masculine-presenting women like myself, these standards play out differently. There are still beauty norms within our community, but they’re not the same as those for feminine-presenting women. For us, there might be a couple of categories: the hyper-masculine look, the athlete aesthetic with locs or short hair, tattoos, and a certain swagger, or the masculine-but-still-feminine vibe. Each of these looks comes with its own set of expectations, its own pressures to conform.
But here’s the thing: beauty standards can be both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, they can push us to take care of ourselves, to present the best version of ourselves to the world. But on the other hand, they can limit us, prevent us from exploring new people, new identities, new experiences. When we’re so focused on fitting into a certain mold, we miss out on the richness and diversity that’s out there. We miss out on the chance to connect with people who don’t fit the norm but who might be exactly what we need.
Dating in the Age of Instagram: Is There Hope for Authentic Connections?
So where does that leave us in 2024, in this age of Instagram and TikTok, where beauty is filtered and edited and curated to perfection? Is there still room for real, authentic connections? I think so, but it’s going to take a shift in mindset. We have to stop putting people on pedestals just because they fit a certain aesthetic. We have to start valuing substance over style, brains over beauty.
I know it’s easier said than done. We live in a world that’s obsessed with appearance, where the most attractive people often get the most opportunities, the most validation. But if we can shift our focus, if we can start to see people for who they really are and not just what they look like, I think we’ll find that there’s so much more out there. There are connections waiting to be made, relationships waiting to be formed, but we have to be willing to look beyond the surface.
Redefining Beauty and Attraction in a Superficial World
At the end of the day, “Models and Mortals” is an episode that reminds us of the dangers of placing too much value on physical appearance. Whether it’s supermodels in the ’90s or Instamodels today, the effect is the same: it creates a divide between those who fit the mold and those who don’t, leaving the rest of us feeling like we’ll never measure up.
But here’s the truth: real beauty goes beyond what we see on the surface. It’s about character, integrity, intelligence, and the way someone makes you feel. It’s about finding someone who sees you for who you are, not just what you look like. And that’s what I’m holding out for. I’m not interested in competing with the Instamodels of the world. I’m not trying to be anyone’s trophy.
So, to all my fellow “mortals” out there—whether you’re navigating the dating scene as a femme, a masculine-presenting woman, or anywhere in between—remember that you are enough. You don’t need to fit into society’s narrow definition of beauty to be worthy of love and connection. The right person will see you for all that you are, and that’s worth more than a thousand Instagram likes.
In the end, what we should all be striving for is something real, something meaningful. And that’s what Carrie was getting at in this episode too. She realized that the men who were obsessed with models were missing out on something much more valuable—real connection, real love. And in a world that’s increasingly obsessed with the superficial, that’s a lesson worth remembering. So let’s redefine what beauty and attraction mean, not just for ourselves, but for the world around us. Let’s look beyond the filters, the edits, and the enhancements, and find the beauty that lies beneath. Because that’s