So many things affect finding a style that looks right on you. Honey, let me tell you, this has always been a struggle for me. I’ve always wanted to have a certain look yet, never could figure out how to pull it off. What I learned is that my struggle was bigger than what I wanted but was more about how I felt.
I’m not insecure but I’m fasho self conscious. Being a Black woman who is a masculine presenting lesbian (stud *inserts eye roll), I constantly thought about how something looks on me, would this look good, or even how would people perceive me.
I work in an environment that is easily 95% (and I’m being generous) white and in the south, if not this job, any other environment here. I often wondered if what I wear is too masculine would people feel a way about how I look. I wondered if people treat me different. Not to mention dealing with family who refuse to adjust to my preferences. You know, the gifts that aren’t what I would wear or the constant mentioning about needing to get better clothes. All of these things fueled the self-consciousness that grew inside of me about how I looked. On top of all of that, I was thinking about what fits good on my shape and honey I ain’t a little lady anymore (but we are working on that).
In going to therapy over the last few years, I have learned many things about myself but I also learned some skills that helped me work on my self-consciousness by figuring out what works for me, maintaining my normal level of confidence, and making everyone adjust to me. I let go of social norms about what to wear. They say masculine presenting women aren’t supposed to be feminine, wear women’s clothing, paint their nails, wear their hair a certain way or whatever other bullshit. I decided to forget about how I am supposed to look and focus on what I like.
Now I look how I want and I don’t give af about how anyone else feels about it. I buy both men’s and women’s clothing, paint my nails, wear my hair how I want but most of all I look damn good in whatever I do. I let go of all of the social norms on how I am supposed to look and became more comfortable in how I look. This doesn’t mean I don’t get any looks are awkwardness from people but I simply don’t care. So whether I am at work or out with friends, I’ve stopped caring about how people take how I look and it’s helped me get out of my own way.
If you are masculine presenting, forget everything you think you are supposed to do and do you, because that is the only person who matters.
Check out more posts about my choice in fashion.
Listening to Nipsey Hussle “Grinding All My Life” on Spotify.