I was born and raised in Oakland, CA but I left right after I turned 18 and haven’t looked back. My brother still lives there at one point he was considering moving in with me in Nashville, TN. So when talking to my dad about it he said, “If your brother is going to move there, make him sleep on the couch because if you make his life there too comfortable he will never move out.” Another time I was talking to him about work and I can’t remember the specifics but his response was basically, you have to be uncomfortable sometimes to get what you want. Sometimes he would even tell me that I had to eat crow, which is exceptionally difficult for me, a person who always feels like their best isn’t good enough. Dad always had these little gems that would ripple into a much louder message…
The Me Too movement has opened up the conversation about sexual harassment, rape and rape culture. For centuries, women have been taken advantage of by men, but there is a group we never discuss and their contribution to rape culture and sexual harassment. Oftentimes, women forget that they too can be predatory and not solely the victim. As a lesbian, straight women have been predatory to me and I’ve witnessed them do it to other lesbians. My friend Mimi said, “They always become predators once they hear I am gay, from the touching to the rubbing and it’s always I’ve never kissed a girl before, they think it’s okay because they are also women but the shit is mighty uncomfortable. I’ve had women literally kiss me without my permission because it’s what girls do.” Straight women believe that it is harmless to push their fantasies on lesbian women but it…
So many things affect finding a style that looks right on you. Honey, let me tell you, this has always been a struggle for me. I’ve always wanted to have a certain look yet, never could figure out how to pull it off. What I learned is that my struggle was bigger than what I wanted but was more about how I felt. I’m not insecure but I’m fasho self conscious. Being a Black woman who is a masculine presenting lesbian (stud *inserts eye roll), I constantly thought about how something looks on me, would this look good, or even how would people perceive me. I work in an environment that is easily 95% (and I’m being generous) white and in the south, if not this job, any other environment here. I often wondered if what I wear is too masculine would people feel a way about how I look.…
What to Know About Business Casual (From a Masc Perspective) Let me be real — business casual used to feel like a personality killer to me. Like… you mean to tell me I gotta walk into work looking like every other person in a navy button-down and khakis? That never sat right with me. Especially as a masculine-presenting woman, where style already feels like a balancing act between how you see yourself and how the world reads you. I like structure. I like clean fits. I like looking put together. But I also like looking like me. And for a long time, business casual felt like it was asking me to shrink that. Typically, in work environments, most masculine-presenting people (and men in general) default to the easy go-to: polos, button-downs, and pants. Clean. Simple. Predictable. And listen — there’s nothing wrong with that. I wear that too. But where…
This is a good look for work and easy to pull off. If you buy men’s pants and jackets whether you are male or female, I recommend finding a good cheap tailor. If your city has a K&G they always keep a good tailor on hand who is reasonable. INC Men’s Slim-Fit Glen Plaid Pants Everyday Crew-Neck Sweater for Men Men’s Slim Fit Essential Oxford Dress Shirt Oxblood The Rome Boot INC Stretch Slim-Fit Blazer
Growing does not come without its pains. As we get older we forget the lessons we have learned from our adolescence apply in our adulthood. For many of us life changes are normal and frequent, oftentimes more frequent than we would like but with life changes comes associated challenges and uncomfortabilities. We are cornered into making hard decisions, uncomfortable choices, and finding strength or even courage when we don’t believe we have it. When a lot of these changes happen in a short period of time, they resemble growing pains much like when your body or bones would ache during a growth spurt. This year has had an eventful turn of events that would close out the decade in a way that was the most inevitable. In the early years of the decade, the summer of 2012, I had a conversation with one of my close friends which would be…
Over the last year and a half I have been pursuing the completion of my collegiate degree. Just know many celebrities had their big break well into their 30’s and even 40’s. You do not have to follow the standards that society may push about when you should do something. Just know it’s never too late if you really want it. Recently I had to write a college entrance essay for Belmont University and this is what I had to say: If life is rooted in how we classify who we are or even by statistical findings we would live in a world where our choices could be predicted and automated. Despite knowing statistics and classifications hold value, I respectfully disagree that they define the course of my life or who I am. Statistically, the course of my life would look very different, I would have chosen a different college…
I have several reasons why I do not want to be monogamous, which I will explain further into this but first let’s think about the information and history of the idea of monogamy. Monogamy is the practice or state of being married to one person at a time. The practice or state of having a sexual relationship with only one partner. Although we don’t know where it started the general idea is that lower ranking males started using the alternative strategy of pursuit of one woman, whereas, the higher ranking males either had many wives or many concubines. This in return made women feel better as they were the only ones receiving attention, love, protection and more from a suitor. In essence, this was a concept created by men to benefit men because women were not historically polygamous. Polygamy is marriage with more than one spouse. When a man is…
To be truly honest with me, some characteristics I think I have, I don’t. I would like to think of myself as patient but I’m nowhere near as patient as I think. I may be patient with other people or patient in certain circumstances but I’m really not all that patient. I think this lack of patience allows me to stay in a state of disappointment. I work out and eat right, but I want changes now, knowing good and well that changes will take time. I don’t care, I want it now! So then I sit around disappointed in myself because I haven’t gotten the results I want today. It’s an ugly trait that I have to beat in order to be successful, that now mentality is slowly killing my growth. It’s amazing how one thing can change everything. That patience has been slowly preventing me from being successful.…